Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this just has baby written all over it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
