i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
