When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Even my vagina gasped.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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