I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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