i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
