have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
