I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
