I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
