Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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