I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
