I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
