Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
