I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
