just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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