Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the day after is always just damage control
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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