You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
