I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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