Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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