I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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