I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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