I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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