have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
