Well apparently he's into motor boating.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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