it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
