i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
