Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
