take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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