i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
