I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
