sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
