i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
