this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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