i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
