Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
