is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i would punch a child for taco bell
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This house was built for laser tag.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
