No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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