PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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