GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
