My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I will be naked everywhere
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
