One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
