I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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