He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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