I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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