As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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