He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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