So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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