Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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