i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
