I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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