I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
