Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
