apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
