She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
