he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
