Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
