how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
