I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
