do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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