I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm passing your future prison.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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