You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
