if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
