Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
