Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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